BESSBLOG

I’m not sure exactly when this happened, (it’s...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:38:00 -0500

I’m not sure exactly when this happened, (it’s difficult to find any information about it) but Van Morrison, in order to get out of his record contract with Bang Records, recorded what are known now as the Lost Tapes. 31 tracks if improvised AWESOMENESS. Well, I’ve never heard them. I’ve only read the lyrics. (If anybody can find them let me know) But the lyrics alone are worth reading… or reciting… on a bus… while you’re on tour.

This is the amazing David Ford reading a selection from the Lost Tapes. You can read more HERE. I recommend Ring Worm.

PROJECT TOP SECRET FART MACHINE On our way up to San Fran last...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:59:00 -0500

PROJECT TOP SECRET FART MACHINE

On our way up to San Fran last week we stopped at the Apple headquarters for a tour, some Apple cafeteria food and shopping at the company store where accessories are half off. (I bought a cover for my new nano!) I have to admit, the tour was not as exciting as I had imagined it would be. I expected to see Steve Jobs just walking around drinking a smoothie, or at least catch a glimpse of the next generation i-pod. But mostly it was “Here’s a building that you can’t go inside. It’s where everything cool happens”, “Here’s another building you’re not cool enough to go inside of”, “Here’s the cafeteria where you can purchase an smoothie! Yes!”

So we did. And we were taken to a boardroom where we were to enjoy our lunch with an Apple representative.

While we all sat around the horse shoe conference table, I posed the age old hypothetical question to the gang- If you could instantly become the best in the world at the instrument of your choosing, but every time you played a D you had to fart uncontrollably, would you do it? We all pondered this for a little while, and started to brainstorm different ways in which you could benefit from this inevitable farting - like an amp that is powered by your own farts.

We were suddenly struck with the hilarity of the fact that we were sitting in a boardroom at the apple headquarters around a conference table, brainstorming how a fart powered amp would work. I don’t think I have ever laughed that hard in my life. Then, Ingrid got up and drew the schematic on the large pad at the head of the table, and we named it PROJECT TOP SECRET FART MACHINE. a.k.a. the i-fart. See above.

The Apple rep never showed up, but luckily the meeting was productive without him. The schematic currently is on display until Thanksgiving on our tour bus.

I really thought that I posted this video.. but apparently I did...

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:10:21 -0500

I really thought that I posted this video.. but apparently I did not. WTF. Anyway, Jenny really knows her Disney tunes. What a bitch!

-from the Hotel Cafe Tour show in Boston.

Allie Moss shows me all the nooks and crannies of our tour...

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:07:24 -0500

Allie Moss shows me all the nooks and crannies of our tour bus…

Lauren picks me up with one arm. I’m know I’m a wee...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 03:59:08 -0500

Lauren picks me up with one arm. I’m know I’m a wee person but this is still quite impressive.

October 31st. HALLOWEEEEEEN. YESSS! The Paradise Rock Club in...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:29:16 -0500

October 31st. HALLOWEEEEEEN. YESSS!

The Paradise Rock Club in Boston. Delirious from lack of sleep, we drew moles on our faces as our Halloween costumes.

This is such an amazing day…. I am still shocked and...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:13:55 -0500

This is such an amazing day…. I am still shocked and overwhelmed with joy that this country elected somebody so good and so different from what we’re used to. Maybe this is naive but I feel like things are going to change and this is the first step. I’m not used to feeling hopeful. I think it’s making me hungry!

After all of that, it seems petty to start blogging again. But I have to do my part for America too! YES WE CAN! So I’m going to go in chronological order starting from October 30th at Good Day NY. It’s about 5am in this photo, and Chris has collapsed in the green room from exhaustion. The people of Fox walked in to see us all sprawled out on the ground.. very professional.

I can't believe...

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 23:45:22 -0500

that this is real. Obama won!

Chris pointed out that what’s most amazing about this moment, is that from here on out children everywhere will grow up having an African American president. It will just be a given to those kids that anybody of any race can reach the highest position in the country, or the world, and achieve anything they want. That’s such an incredibly momentous step in eradicating racism. A whole generation of kids who see a black man running the fucking country. I couldn’t be happier right now.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:45:21 -0500

he’s gonna win he’s gonna win he’s gonna win!

Right now I’m backstage at Paradise rock club in Boston,...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:36:00 -0400

Right now I’m backstage at Paradise rock club in Boston, attempting to be a functioning human being on my 35th hour of being awake. Last night we played the first show of the tour on Staten Island, went home and packed, and then drove to Good Day NY for a 4AM load in! No sleep… Good Day NY is a local Fox morning show so I was really excited to wear my Obama shirt and piss somebody off, but nobody cared. Then we got right in the car and drove 4 hours to Boston! I almost cried because I was scared I was going to fall asleep at the wheel.

So now we’re here. I’m having a glass of wine and I’m starting to feel awake.

Anyway, above is a clip of the 80’s show which went surprisingly well considering we played about 25 songs that we’ve never played before! This is one of my favorite ones. You’ll see that we had absolutely no idea how to end it. I actually enjoy that about this clip. We’ll perfect the ending for next time. (It’s BAD, by Michael Jackson)

This entry is not funny because my brain has turned into chocolate pudding.

YAAAAAAAR!

Doing all of these 80’s songs made me remember how amazing...

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:30:07 -0400

Doing all of these 80’s songs made me remember how amazing this is. I started hysterically laughing just thinking about it. David Lee Roth’s solo vocal take for Running With The Devil. The very end is my favorite.

How I stressed myself out about 80's covers.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:55:17 -0400

Well the Ingrid tour officially starts on Wednesday and all I have been doing for the past 4 days is making the songs of the 80’s sound country.

I decided that, for fun and for money, I was going to start playing cover music sometimes in shitty bars. Sounds like a horrible idea, I know. But the thing that makes it awesome is that they are exclusively 80’s songs in a variety or inappropriate styles such as country, bluegrass, blues, jewballs (the official term), and even latin. It’s actually pretty rad (that’s an 80’s word and it means cool) and I would like to record some of them in the future and perhaps release an EP.

But I made two major mistakes here that are resulting in my stress. 1 - I booked the first gig the night before I go away on tour. 2 - That gig is 3 hours long.

So while I should be packing and cleaning and tying up loose ends, I’m arranging “Addicted to Love” and “Hot for Teacher”. I have about 8 more to do tonight and then tomorrow I have to write out charts for all of them!!! AAAHHH! Chris Kuffner to the rescue. It’s pretty awesome dating someone who’s 10 times better at what you do than you are.

Regardless, it’s going to be a pretty fun time and hopefully the local drunks at the Red Lion won’t boo me off the stage. I’ll try to get some footage to post of it.

Other than that, the last week here at home has been pretty good. My cats finally love each other. Andrew, Jenny, our friend Shervin and I recorded another podcast which will be up soon, and I had a good show at the Canal Room. Whew! But I’m really looking forward to being on the road. Lots of people that I love all the time, and no teaching for a whole month.

I think my cats are going to be okay. At first I thought they...

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:36:00 -0400

I think my cats are going to be okay. At first I thought they were going to murder each other but then I figured out they were just playing. As of yesterday, Lyle Lovett has sacrificed his “manhood” (code for BALLS) so things might calm down a bit. (Chris is very upset because he really liked Lyle Lovett with balls) Oh well. All for the greater good. So here’s a little video I made of Day 1 with cats together. I’m slightly ashamed that I did this… but also, I can’t stop watching it. So what does that say? I am obsessed with my cats like Andrew is obsessed with the election. But in a week I’ll be on tour with Ingrid and will have much more interesting things to video. And the election will be over, Obama will be the first black man in the White House, and Andrew’s blog will be born again.

cats

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:38:00 -0400

I fear that my blog is at great risk of becoming mostly about my cats.

So here’s the situation. Cat # 1, Puppy, despises… and I mean ABSOLUTELY despises Cat # 2, Lyle Lovett. Puppy has never hated anything more in her entire life. She hates him more than trips to the vet, more than getting her nails clipped, and more than cat food with fish in it (don’t know why). Any time she’s near enough to smell Lyle Lovett’s adorable SCENT she hisses and makes unhappy noises that I’ve never heard her make before.

Lyle Lovett, who is a recent addition and six months old, is an angel prince sent from heaven. He doesn’t give a shit about puppy. He just wants to play and snuggle and get loved and fall over ( he is very very clumsy and falls ALL THE TIME. It’s really cute).

I’m slowly putting them together more and more but so far it’s not looking good. I know this takes time, but God DAMNIT why is my cat being such a CUNT?!

Anway, I go on tour with Ingrid at the end of this month, and until then my purpose in life is to make these fucking things love each other. Any suggestions?

new things

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:42:00 -0400

Yesterday Chris bought a new guitar to replace the one that was stolen and today I fell in love with a stray kitten and adopted him. See pictures of both new additions below.

Its nice when things are going badly for a while and then suddenly there’s a sea foam green guitar and a fucking cat that’s just chilling on your doorstep (literally), begging you to take it in and love it forever.

Anyway, the guitar has not been named yet but the cat’s name is Lyle Lovett.

Things are looking up!

Meet the new guitar!

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:24:00 -0400

Meet the new guitar!

Meet Lyle Lovett!

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:12:00 -0400

Meet Lyle Lovett!

robbed but loved

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 02:00:37 -0400

Well you may have heard that Chris Kuffner and I were recently robbed of our electric guitar and bass amplification. This is a major bummer because shit costs money and has sentimental value that greatly exceeds the money involved. (more details on my myspace)

But the positive thing that’s come of all of this is the outpouring of support from friends and from total strangers. This seriously warms my heart and blows my mind. Thanks to everyone that has posted the info on their blog/myspace, has offered their help and even offered to donate money to buying new gear.

We’re currently in the process of checking out our insurance policies to see if we can squeeze some money out of it. AND we’re still hopeful that some of it will turn up on craigs list or at a local music store. (I’m banking on the stupidity of whoever stole it).

But I’m really grateful that Jenny and Andrew (will they read this????!!!) have helped to spread the word and encourage the collecting of funds, and that people out there in the world have offered to as well. I feel really weird about taking money from people, especially with our country on the brink of a fucking depression. But I do appreciate it a whole lot and wanted to let you all know that I do. Thank you.

So this was a very serious post.

I feel like I have to counteract it with a picture of a kid in a hot dog suit.

lovebess

I learned how to play the world’s longest instrument! The...

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:49:40 -0400

I learned how to play the world’s longest instrument! The bassoon. I know it looks like I don’t know how to play this, but I assure you that I am a world class bassoonist but I was just trying to make it sound like a duck for fun.

On another note, I went to the last night of the Eugene Mirman comedy festival in Park Slope this Sunday. I had no idea who was going to be performing but it turned out to be a gaggle of my favorite comedians. Eugene Mirman of course, Michael Showalter, John Mulaney (who I had never seen before but was great), Jim Gaffigan, Todd Barry, John Benjamin (who I just learned is the brains of Home Movies), and Mike Birbiglia. And then, John Oates from Hall and Oates. Just to be ridiculous I think. Not only is it fucking sweet that all of my favorite comedians are all friends and collaboraters, but it seems that they all live in Brooklyn. That is very convenient for me. Thanks guys!

Brooklyn, NY If you are not excited about Jenny’s new...

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:07:04 -0400

Brooklyn, NY

If you are not excited about Jenny’s new record then you must be incapable of feeling excited about anything.

Anyway, shit sounds mad good. I’ve been lucky enough to be there for bits and pieces of the recording process and this here is a clip of the very last day of recording. Jenny and Dan (who have completely lost their minds at this point) have made a color coded chart to keep track of things as they are completed. On the back is a drawing of Jenny in the studio with her “sandwich I’d like to fuck” t-shirt and her dick hands. Pretty awesome.